Monthly Archives: May 2010

Anti-Idiocracy Friday

I have a Google alert set up for “Idiocracy,” and sometimes I find really funny stuff.  Today, I found a very interesting blog post over at Unnatural Habitat about how Nietzsche predicted the current state of our collective consciousness over one hundred years ago.  The blogger even ties it in to our favorite predictive allegory.  Give it a read this weekend.  And as always, friends, try to learn a little something from everything you do.

Sick Mustache

Programming Note – I won’t be in town next week, so updates will be few (if made at all).

Dog Days

Taye Diggs is reading.  To dogs.

“Mr. Diggs will read excerpts from [the ALPO 'Real Dogs Eat Meat' Handbook] to an audience of real dogs at an event in the Meatpacking District in Manhattan.  The book reading will stream live on www.ALPORealDogs.com so real dogs everywhere can enjoy the mud-covered musings of their canine kin.”

Now, I am a dog lover.  My parents have a dog named Stinky Stu, and I visit with him every chance I get.  But would I ever read to him?  Maybe, if I was tripping on mushrooms.

DoggyBlurb.com gives us the dish on what to expect:

The handbook features stories from 20 “paw-thors” that focus on the joys of being well… a dog!

That about sums it up.

Mascot Madness

Thanks to @TomClancey for the heads up on this post.

The mascots for the 2012 London Olympics were unveiled today, and this is what they look like:

Photograph: Suzanne Plunkett/Reuters

Who in their right mind decided the Olympic Mascots should be two oversize balls-and-shaft?

This has inspired me to take a look at some of U.S. mascots that are as stupid as Wenlock and Mandeville (or at least could kick their asses).

First – the “Orange”:

I can see how ‘Cuse fans might dig this little dingleberry, but he inspires absolutely nothing in me.

Second, the West Virginia Mountaineer:

You think this guy actually bangs those chicks?  Not a fucking chance.

I don’t even think this guy is the actual mascot.  They probably just found him outside in the parking lot, rummaging through trash cans.

Seriously, I wish I could see the job listing for WV mascot.  “West Virginia University has an opening in its man with huge beard department.  Uniform will be provided.  Must be able to work Saturdays.”

Finally, Wichita State’s WuShock:

Now I had never heard of WuShock before, but I did a quick search for “Worst College Mascots” and he’s on every list.  WuShock looks like Bart Simpson on crack.

There are tons of bad mascots out there, and one day I’ll do a proper write up on the topic.

Texas Flub

Big thanks to @Single_Ape for the tip on this post.   He’s got a great site going at http://www.singleape.com – ask him a question, browse the photography or check out the straight nopes.  Pure gold!  Also, Single Ape is now part of our “Jab the Idiocracy” section at right.  Be sure to pay him regular visits.

Don’t mess with Texas.  Or their history books.

Every once in a while, you read something so overwhelmingly outrageous, that you can’t help but wonder how it could possibly be true.  In some cases, you read on to find out that said outrageousness is not just the opinion of one evangelical asshole, but a whole slew of them.  Rarer still, there are enough evangelical assholes to commandeer the Texas State Board of Education.  With that in mind, meet Revisionist Cynthia Dunbar:

Photo Credit: Harry Cabluck/AP via guardian.co.uk

Guardian.co.uk reports:

“[Cynthia] is one of a clutch of Christian evangelists and social conservatives who have grasped control of the state’s education board. This week they are expected to force through a new curriculum…. The board is to vote on a sweeping purge of alleged liberal bias in Texas school textbooks in [favor] of what Dunbar says really matters: a belief in America as a nation chosen by God as a beacon to the world, and free enterprise as the cornerstone of liberty and democracy.”

Oh, that’s right.  America, fuck yea!  But what does this really mean?

“Several changes include sidelining Thomas Jefferson, who [favored] separation of church and state, while introducing a new focus on the “significant contributions” of pro-slavery Confederate leaders during the civil war…. The education board has dropped references to the slave trade in [favor] of calling it the more innocuous “Atlantic Triangular Trade.”

The “Atlantic Triangular Trade?”  That’s like calling the Holocaust the “Thing that Happened in Europe.”  And the “significant contributions” of pro-slavery Confederate leaders?  Like  WHAT?  Chewing tobacco?  Huge belt buckles?  Jimmy the Greek?

Gimme a fuckin’ break.

You know what it’s called when you make shit up?

Here’s a history lesson.  Disinformation and extreme patriotism have been used to manipulate people for centuries.  If you’re too self-absorbed to realize that this evangelism bullshit is counterproductive to a free and open society, and that it’s just straight-up cult-ish, then you need a serious wake up call.  Everybody’s the fucking chosen one these days.

Now I’m no bleeding-heart liberal, but I do have common sense.  It’s absolutely scary how these people truly believe they are right, and are planning to brainwash an entire state.

News Blues

According to the NY Post, THIS is news.

I know the Post is a tabloid, but this is really bad.

Idiot Sportswriters

This is the second installment in an ongoing series called Idiot Sportswriters.  In this series, we call out the lazy, irreproachable blowhards that consider themselves “experts” in their respective fields.  You can check out the first post here.

Sports Illustrated, you just lost me.

I’ve never been a huge fan of SI, but today I read something that solidified my discontent toward the sports content magnate.

Sports Illustrated, an esteemed publication that has delivered high quality coverage since 1954, has a writer on staff, covering football, who REFUSES TO ATTEND COLD WEATHER FOOTBALL GAMES.  And he’s from New York, for cryin’ out loud!  Meet this week’s idiot sportswriter: Jeff Pearlman.

Jeff’s hatred for the cold stems from his experience at a frigid Meadowlands in 1987 when the NY Giants beat the SF 49ers in the divisional playoffs.  Since then, he says:  “I haven’t attended another cold-weather NFL game. Never, ever will I ever attend another cold-weather football game.”

Based on this anecdote, Jeff makes the argument that a Super Bowl held at the New Meadowlands is a bad idea because cold weather would ruin the fan experience.  Can someone tell this guy that he’s covering FOOTBALL?  That’s right – the sport that’s famous for the ICE BOWL?  The most famous field is nicknamed the FROZEN TUNDRA.  I would love to see Jeff explain his thinking to these maniacs or this asshole.

This guy makes about as much sense to me as a kosher cheeseburger.  Do we lump him in with teachers who hate kids, blind referees and actors who can’t act?  He’s the figurative waiter who hasn’t tried the veal, and therefore can’t recommend it.

Sure, there are tons of indoor sports.  Perhaps Jeff cut his teeth covering NCAA Division II Women’s Volleyball and I’m just missing something.  But from here on out, stick to covering Jai Alai for The Ocho and leave us to shiver in peace.

(Note – it kills me that two playoff tickets only cost $40 in 1987.)

Anti-Idiocracy Friday

What will you do this weekend to evade Darwin’s ubiquitous bite?

I personally had a pretty venomous week, and I’ve been listening to this as the antidote:

Tool creates highly intricate, quasi-cyber psychedelic music.  They’re smooth, yet rough and powerful like ocean waves.

Immerse yourself in some very loud music this weekend, if only to drown out the talking heads, the over-hyped sports storylines, the tech overload and the mass dumbing down that is mainstream media.

Information Overload

As I was flipping back and forth from the Cavs-Celtics game on ESPN last night, I came across the Fox Business Channel.  This is what I saw (click the image for full size):

Now, let’s take a look at what is happening here.  Besides the fact that the three folks on screen are probably the most random combination of all time, take a look at just HOW MANY pieces of information are being forced down our throats at once.

Three talking heads; one conversation topic below them (Voters’ Anti-Establishment Mood…); one current ticker topic (internet) plus the two upcoming topics; Akamai stock info; three market futures rankings below that.  Moving to the sidebar at right: “Fox HD Wing – Fox Business News – http://www.foxbusiness.com”; news headline re: Shell below that; NYSE/NASDAQ closing prices below that; and one day/one year highs and lows for previously mentioned Akamai at bottom right.

There are 17 different pieces of information.  On screen, at once.

What the hell am I supposed to look at?

Do people actually benefit from Fox Business squeezing this much info onto the screen at the same time?  Or do they just sit there in inundated bliss, enjoying the pretty colors and the squawking caricatures that argue with each on the talk-box?

Thanks to you, Fox Business, we’re one step closer to idiocracy:

Extra Credit: Take a stab at each talking head’s platform in the comments section.  I answered, from left to right:  Billy “The Kid” Eisenberg representing anarchist cowboy Jews across the country, confused moderator and Kim Kardashian.

The Farmville Horror

Virtual Farming.  Virtual…Farming.

That’s right – “farming” – on the internet.

Why is this triviality over 10,000 times more popular (literally) than Aldous Huxley’s groundbreaking exploration of the human psyche, The Doors of Perception?  In less than 300 years, we’ve gone from Beethoven to Britney Spears….  Huxley would be shocked at the sad state of our collective subconscious.

The worst part about Farmville is that people actually spend REAL money to play along.  Take, for instance, the kid who racked up $1,400 in credit card debt.  Am I missing something here?  Why would ANYONE spend REAL MONEY on VIRTUAL CURRENCY?!?

Farmville’s parent company, Zynga, is valued at $4 billion.  Good for them, because they’ve managed to make so much money at the expense of the idiocratic masses.  Bad for the rest of us, because over 80 million people are stupid enough to play along.

(Big thanks to Mashable.com for a lot of the research that sparked my rant.  Check them out at right, under “Tech/Social.”)

LeBron’s Impact on the Perception of NY Sports

ESPN is sweatin’ LeBron today, and the Cavs haven’t even lost their series with the Celtics yet.

These little town blues... Photo Credit: ESPN

Regardless of how this plays out, The LeBron Fiasco will put always-vocal anti-NYers in an Empire Hate of Mind.

If LeBron comes to New York (full disclosure – I’m a Knicks fan and have been counting down the days to July 1, 2010) then outsiders will cry foul about how detrimental the big-spending Knicks are to small market franchises like the Bucks (playoffs) and Magic (potential Finals favorites).

If he decides to stay, or leaves for a team like Chicago, outsiders can stick their collective tongue at NYC, given such proof that not all mega-stars desire the bright lights of Broadway, the A-number-1, Top of the Heap mentality or the massive check they’ll receive from becoming the #1 sports jersey sold in the history of this great city (and probably the world).

I wonder where they sold more of these "Cavs" throwbacks - Cleveland or NYC?