MSNBC - On A&E’s “Storage Wars,” modern-day treasure hunters bid on abandoned storage units for a shot at finding hidden loot among the empty boxes and forgotten furniture that fill the lockers. It might not sound like glamorous work, but according the men who take on the task each week, sometimes it really pays off.

Must-See TV

For all of you young, aspiring entrepreneurs out there – forget about actually building a successful business and learn how to pitch your day-to-day to  a production company.  It doesn’t matter what you do.  You’ll realize more success by pimping yourself and your argumentative family out to the millions of mindless, glassy-eyed, content-parched lemmings.  Why run a successful pizzeria, when you can star in “Miami Slice?”  Want to be famous?  Don’t quit your day job… just find the right producer.

Beef Supreme is Editor-in-Chief of the Idiocratic Post.

You know how we often discuss the state of our Kuntry here at the Idiocratic Post?  How Amurrca is slowly devolving into a soft, flavorless, brain-dead stew?  How Mike Judge’s 2005 fictional yet uncannily on-point portrayal of life on the Planet Earf is becoming increasingly accurate as time goes on?

That accuracy is reflected in scenes like this… where the #1 movie in Amurrca is called “Ass”:

Well guess what, folks.  This is about as close as I’ve seen to Idiocracy coming LITERALLY true since the KFC Double Down:

Don’t get me wrong – she’s extremely hot.  But… really?

Listen… hot chicks in music videos are nothing new.  But at least back in the day, they had SOME sort of plot:

That’s just a great song.

Now, in just 15 years, we’ve devolved into just straight up ass shots.  No jet skis, no Mase in a helicopter, just straight soft-core porn.

The buzz that this video will surely accrue is undeniable proof that our collective standards have hit rock bottom; that talent is strictly optional moving forward; that image is the sole thing that makes people famous; that any chick with a fat ass and autotune can front as a “musician”; and that no one even cares enough to call bullshit.

Beef Supreme is a renaissance man who splits time between the scenic absurdity of upstate New York and the dark underbelly of Manhattan.

Holy Shit it's Beef Supreme!

But what often goes unmentioned when discussing one’s right to free speech is that you’re 100% on the hook for whatever reaction your words elicit.  It’s called common sense.  It’s the reason you can’t scream “FIRE!” in a crowded theater, or “BOMB!” on an airplane.  And it’s that same reason why Pittsburgh Steelers RB Rashard Mendenhall is the Idiot of the Day.

Mother, should I trust the government?

Mendenhall, who apparently thumps both his bible and Weekly World News, had this to say about Americans celebrating Osama bin Laden’s death:

“We’ll never know what really happened.  I just have a hard time believing a plane could take a skyscraper down demolition style.”

“For those of you who said you want to see Bin Laden burn … I ask how would God feel about your heart?”

“What kind of person celebrates death? It’s amazing how people can HATE a man they have never even heard speak. We’ve only heard one side…”

Rashard, let me do some homework for you.  Here’s what OBL had to say about Americans, before he met his ultimate demise at the wrong end of a U.S. Navy SEAL’s barrel:

“Hostility toward America is a religious duty, and we hope to be rewarded for it by God . . . . I am confident that Muslims will be able to end the legend of the so-called superpower that is America.”

“Every American man is an enemy to us.”

” . . . It is far better for anyone to kill a single American soldier than to squander his efforts on other activities.”

Indeed, we HAVE heard bin Laden speak.  And we’re damn proud that he’ll never utter another word again.

Also interesting to note how both OBL and Mendy throw “God” around when trying to justify themselves.  OBL hoped to be rewarded for hostility toward Americans by the same God that Mendy cites in judgement.  Divine authority, folks.  It’s easy fodder for any argument.

This isn’t the first time Mendy has gone on record with some stupid shit. For context, he was one of the idiots that agreed with Adrian Peterson when he compared the NFL to slavery:

“@AdrianPeterson is correct in his anology of this game. It is a lot deeper than most people understand.”

“Anyone with knowledge of the slave trade and the NFL could say that these two parallel eachother”

What are you fucking insane, bro?  Do you realize what you said?  Comparing the NFL to slavery is like comparing Disneyland to Vietnam.  It’s fucking ludicrous.  How can anyone take this guy seriously?

Besides, I don’t think a slave could ever make it rain.

The idiocracy of celebrities using Twitter is beyond the scope of this post, but let me put it as simply as possible: in 2011, if you’re a public personality, you’re blessed (or cursed) with a captive audience 24/7.  You can cite the 1st Amendment, but not realizing that you’ll be held accountable for whatever you say is the real ignorant action here.

Though Mendenhall’s comments offend millions of Americans who were affected by 9/11, not to mention the thousands who lost family and friends that day, he does have the legal right to say whatever he wants.  But keep in mind he’s earned every single bit of scrutiny bestowed upon him by his former fans and the general public.  If you  hide behind your bible and shoot from the hip, you’ll be viewed a coward regardless of what evocative phrases you manage to string together.

I can exercise free speech too.  On behalf of NYC:  go fuck yourself, Rashard Mendenhall.  You’re the Idiot of the Day.

Beef Supreme is Editor-in-Chief of the Idiocratic Post.

Now, however, the up-sell has shamelessly permeated new territory.  This blatant display of disregard for “consumer well being*” has blazed a trail beyond the register and into a place that it quite obviously does not belong:  the customer service call.

Specifically, the cable repair customer service call, with (NYC monopoly) Time Warner.

Who in their right mind thought it would be a good idea for these clowns to offer, or even consider offering an up-sell during a repair call?

Think about it.  In this context, I’m reaching out to Time Warner because my current service DOESN’T WORK.  Is that really the best time to SELL ME ADDITIONAL SERVICES?  Not only am I unreceptive to your shameless, disrespectful plug, but I’m extremely aggravated.

Beef Supreme is Editor-in-Chief of the Idiocratic Post.

*Whatever the fuck that means.

PhillieBot, the one-armed, three-wheeled robot, designed by Gozer worshipers engineers at the University of Pennsylvania, will throw out the ceremonial first pitch before Wednesday’s game between the Philadelphia Phillies and Milwaukee Brewers.

]

The spectacle is part of Science Day festivities at Citizens Bank Park, said Evan Lerner, a spokesman for Penn’s engineering school.

First of all, I’m almost positive that this is not to commemorate “Science Day.”  No.  It’s to bug out the stoners on 4/20.  That much is obvious.

So what can this thing do?

After the press of a button, the robot’s mechanical arm reared back and then moved toward home plate; at the top of its delivery, it flicked its mechanical “wrist” and shot the ball forward.

The ball appeared to be traveling no more than 30 or 40 miles an hour, the Inquirer reported. But that was by design, since the Phillies didn’t want the pitch approaching Major League speeds.

So… you’re saying these Doc Brown wannabes “could” have amped this baby up, Tim Allen style, but chose not too.  I guess that’s believable, considering they built this baby in their spare time.  That’s right – time otherwise spent socializing, partying and getting laid.

In related news, the Tampa Bay Rays kicked off Fan Appreciation Day with one of those baking soda volcanoes from 7th grade.

The toy has been a staple of the Happy Meal since the 1980′s.  Now, according to the NY Daily News, it’s in jeopardy:

A rotund city councilman [Leroy Comrie] who admits his eating habits are off the scales wants to make kids’ fast food meals less happy and more healthy.

The Queens councilman on Wednesday will press the Fast Food Toy Ban Bill, which limit any meal that comes with a toy to under 500 calories.

The argument can be made that fast food mega corporations play a major role in childhood obesity, luring kids toward unhealthy foods with flashy promos and exciting toy tie-ins.

And it’s no news flash that fast food is no good for you.  But can we really place the blame solely on McWendyKing’s?

Are these evil chains softening your fast-foodie children like veal farmers, encouraging them to feast on high-calorie quick serve through flashy toys for their own financial gain?

Or is it that parents are just getting a little lazy?

Guess what:  Regardless of what the corporations do, KIDS WILL ALWAYS LOVE TOYS AND NUGGETS!

It’s your job as a parent to control a child’s intake of both, until they’re adults.  It’s completely normal for your overprotected little child to want burgers and Nemo toys, because they’re KIDS.

…Why not try and find some nice things to do together, that doesn’t involve food?

We’d like to welcome Chuck Marlboro to the Idiocratic Post team.

Could invisible forces be conspiring to dumb down modern day society, or is it just MTV?

Throughout the years, the public has sought pleasure and enlightenment from the most talented and sophisticated entertainers and renown figures.  From classical figures like William Shakespeare, Mozart and Da Vinci, to modern masters like Mark Twain, Muhammad Ali and John Lennon – all of these people were [are] considered experts due to incomparable skill in their field.  Set in a time when the collective consciousness was most accessible, these figures raised the bar for evolution not only in their field of work, but in life as well, through moral display.

The new millennium has brought to light a vast array of unwanted overachievers, fostering international fame and disabling the standards in which we once used to build our popular culture. It seems generous and intelligent cultural icons have been cast aside and replaced with the boring, selfish, primitive, and suicide-inspiring celebrities we see on TV today.

Gone are the days of marching for peace.  Today, we sprint for stupidity.

The quest for cultural evolution has been temporarily derailed for a large portion of Americans who instead opt for a peephole view into the lives of society’s most unimportant.  In a time of suffering and devastation, mindless Americans pack the wallets of television producers., colleges spend tens of thousands of dollars to bring in “celeb-reality” speakers, and magazines and blogs smear them on the front page.

It's a Metaphor

Teen Mom.  Real Housewives of Gary, Indiana.  The Bachelor/ette.  16 and Pregnant.  It’s not a question of “if” these mind-numbing tendencies will impact our nation’s progress.  Rather, it’s a question of “how much so?”

Is this being purposefully endorsed by unseen foes with the hopes of suppressing our society’s creative thinking?

Or is life just getting too old?

Chuck Marlboro covers society and issues for the Idiocratic Post.

Concussions in football games are taken more seriously than ever before. And going forward, that will hold true in the next edition of the “Madden” football video game franchise when concussed players won’t be allowed to return to the field in the game they are injured.

“Concussions are such a big thing, it has to be a big thing in the video game,” [John] Madden told The New York Times in a telephone interview. “It starts with young kids — they start in video games.  I think the osmosis is if you get a concussion, that’s a serious thing and you shouldn’t play. Or leading with the head that you want to eliminate. We want that message to be strong.”

Well, it does make sense to reach kids via video games. They sure as hell aren’t going to pick up a book on concussions or listen to a PSA about why they shouldn’t lead with their head.

But isn’t this called brainwashing?

Makes you wonder what else they add into video games to make us think or do what they want.