Bert Locker

Bert… what exactly are you trying to conquer?  This garbage premiers tomorrow on the Travel Channel:

I generally enjoy the Travel Channel.  I like their juxtaposition of “best of” shows – think voice-over by a wealthier-than-thou narrator lauding ultra-lux cruises, super exclusive hotels and the creme de la creme of the Good Life –  coupled with “rest of” shows – i.e. “Hot Dog Paradise.”

Somewhere between Man v. Food – a show deserving of its own post, featuring gluttonous eating challenges from around the U.S. – and Bizarre Foods – highlighting gross-out snacks as described by an overzealous asshole who inappropriately wears shorts in countries where people don’t wear shorts – lies Bert the fucking Conqueror.

If I can comprehend anything from the above clip, it’s that this jerk gets knocked around by various idiocratic challenges and we’re supposed to be entertained.  I really hope there is some sort of cultural piece that I’m missing, or it would be ABC’s Wipe Out, except featuring one contestant, over and over again.  At least the guy from Man v. Food tries a few local dishes before delving in to a 37-lb burrito or 25 milkshakes.

Bert, thanks to you, we’re careening ever faster toward full-tilt idiocracy.


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