Monthly Archives: October 2010

Let’s Do the Time Warp

Sometimes I wake up and I feel like I’ve gone COMPLETELY INSANE.

Take, for instance, news that has been the subject of – at the very least – 572 articles over the past 24 hours.

Is there a Time Traveler Wandering through Charlie Chaplin’s ‘The Circus?


You’re kidding, right?

I know that it’s fun to daydream about going back in time, etc. – but to sweep through major news outlets?  From CNBC to the Associated Press, this thing has run the gamut.   And of course, the “news outlet” responsible for it all… no, not Weekly Word News or The Onion…:

Someone walks by the camera with a hand by their ear.  There are 1,000 reasons why someone might do this.  Hearing aid?  Sure.  I just can’t believe that major news outlets actually took the time to entertain this theory:  It’s 1928 and she looks like she’s on a cellphone.  MUST BE A TIME TRAVELER.

DOGS AND CATS, LIVING TOGETHER, MASS HYSTERIA!

This is the stupidest conclusive jump I’ve seen since Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi said big boobs cause earthquakes.  It’s like a big, fucked up material implication played out in the mass media.

One thing it definitely is: irresponsible journalism.

I’m surprised we haven’t seen this excuse for other pop culture mysteries.  Lollipop kid hangs himself in the background of the Wizard of Oz?  Must’ve been a time traveler.  Dark Side of the Rainbow?  Chalk it up to time travel. The Rent is Too Damn High? MUST BE A TIME TRAVELER.

Even if this is a Halloween Hoax, it’s a cold reminder that CNN can manipulate what goes viral on a given day.  We’re on a crash course for a 21st century “War of the Worlds” fueled by internet meme, and it will likely happen sooner than later.

We Gon’ Find You… With this App

While idiocratic in a million ways, this is admittedly hilarious.  Antoine Dodson scored a gig as the pitchman for the Sex Offender Tracker App.

We haven’t seen this positive an outcome from a negative event since  Hulk Hogan joined the nWo.

For those of you who haven’t already seen it – check out the original newscast, and the autotune remix.

“Hard” Journalism

What world do we live in?

Apparently, a world in which NEWSPAPERS – that’s right – newspapers – dedicate HALF a PAGE to aimlessly wondering if BERT and ERNIE are GAY.

That’s right – BERT and ERNIE.  Not only are they fictional characters… THEY’RE PUPPETS.

WHO CARES?!?!?!?

If that hasn’t sunk in yet, let me make it clear:  In our war-stricken, overpopulated, over-polluted, time-strained, attention-depleted, starving, homeless, martyr-filled world, we’ve dedicated half a page of valuable newspaper space to the sexuality of two fictional puppets.

And if you hadn’t already realized that newspapers are a complete joke, this should solidify it.  With circulation down 5% since April 2010 and declining, it’s only a matter of time before we’re overstocked with glorified fish wrap.

Can’t say that content isn’t part of that problem.

The Rent is Too Damn High!

Jimmy McMillan is unbelievable.  This hilarious firebrand and his “The Rent is Too Damn High!” Party are bound to shake things up in the NYS gubernatorial race.

“As a karate expert, I will not talk about anyone up here, because our children can’t afford to live anywhere.  Nowhere.  There’s nowhere to go.  Once again – why?  You said it; the rent is too damn high.”

Gawker’s got the video clips.

If you’re wondering why the Idiocratic Post has delved into the world of politics today, here’s the answer.  While McMillan is delightfully refreshing and straightforward amongst a bevy of bullshit politicians, one can’t help but recognize the similarities to Idiocracy President Hector Elizondo Mountain Dew Camacho, both in appearance and rhetoric.

The point of this blog is to illustrate how the outlandish concepts in Idiocracy – a silly movie with a ridiculous plot but uncannily accurate details – are coming true before our very eyes.  Last night, we were presented with one of the most blatant examples of true idiocracy to date – the circus that is the NYS gubernatorial race.

On a complete side note, how could anyone possibly consider this prick Paladino?  Does he not disagree with the main American value that all people are created equal?  How is this guy still in the race?

He looks like fucking Beetlejuice!

Even if Zombiedino hadn’t said those terrible things about gays, this guy is liable to drop dead (or come back from it) at any moment.  Isn’t that a concern for New Yorkers?

Back to McMillan/Camacho.  Let’s play a quick game of “Who Said It?”:

Quote A:  I had a hell of a day, man. I would love to put on my website that the Board of Elections can suck my dick, I would love to do that, but I got little children going to my website, I can’t do it, the motherfuckers. I would love to, before every one of them go to bed at night, suckin’ my damn dick. That’s what I’d love to put on my website. Every fuckin’ one of them, you know.

Quote B:  Shit. I know shit’s bad right now, with all that starving bullshit, and the dust storms, and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.

Tougher than you thought, right?  (Answers: A: McMillan; B: Camacho)

If you want more McMillan, check out the “Rent is Too Damn High” Party’s awesomely ‘90s website: http://www.jimmymcmillan.org/

Wait’ll you see my AW!

As he meets with the commish today, let’s congratulate Brett Favre for being named Idiot of the Week.

 

"That's right, Mr. Commissioner... then I showed her my 'Oh Face.'"

 

Do You Smell That? It’s Idiocracy.

Who thought this commercial could sell deodorant?

I would love to sit in on one of these planning meetings, just to hear how the creatives describe such a high level of randomness in English words.

Alas, this category of advertising (call it ‘deliberately bad’) has a point: to be so dumb (so, so dumb, for real) that it burns through our collective subconscious on a crash course for the water cooler.  The goal is to get remembered – a task that has become infinitely more difficult due to a general influx of competitive products and a soggy, commercially over-saturated public.  But at what cost?

Does Old Spice, a brand that has built such strong equity, risk more than necessary by stooping so low to “get remembered?”

At least “Old Spice Guy” (I’m on a horse) had “swagger” – a key perception point for Old Spice.  Ray Lewis comes across as a mix between Kali, Mola Ram and a twisted boss from Final Fantasy 37.

The takeaway?  Perhaps it is indicative of our own collective stupidity that advertisers, with increasing frequency, rely on the shock-treatment to cut through the fat of our memories, casting side relevant and practical information in the process.

Live Your Life

If you could pick a celebrity to randomly appear and talk you off a roof, who would it be? For this Atlanta man, it was T.I.

“Police were trying to talk the man, who appeared to be about 25 years old, from jumping from the 22-floor Colony Square building when [T.I.] ‘appeared out of nowhere.'”


Thanks to CNN for bringing us the hard news today.