Monthly Archives: January 2011

Tattoo Much

One of the byproducts of a world saturated with media – from internationally known mega outlets, to unprecedentedly specific niche journals and 140-character personal newscasts – is that we’re often reading stories with little to no news value at all.

For instance, TechCrunch is reporting that rapper T-Pain just got a Facebook “Like” button tattoo.  Does anyone really give a shit?  TechCrunch is not a bullshit outlet – it’s very instrumental in the tech startup VC world.

Credit: TechCrunch

This news was sandwiched in my Google news feed between “Egyptian Unrest” and “VW Confirms it will Build Hyper-Efficient XL1.”  The news story equivalent of a red-carpet crasher.

One can easily make the case that access to news and citizen journalism have brought positives that far outweigh negatives like this.  Complaining about an over-abundance of “news” today’s world is kind of like bitching about a flight delay.  Not too long ago, both would have been considered the ultimate luxury.

But what does it do for our taste?  Our sense of “what is news?”  Are we now desensitized, forced to accept that a rapper’s new tattoo is something worth reporting?  Are we oblivious to idiocracy, like a kid who watches too many horror films or plays Grand Theft Auto, and thus unaffected real-life calamity?  Are we cold and dead inside?

Fuck it.  It’s Friday.  No sense in getting wrapped up in our world’s bleak outlook today.  Grab a Bud Ice and let’s watch some pro wrestling.

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Justice Served

Typically reliable, the National Geographic Channel hit a new low with the debut of its latest reality series Wild Justice.

No, friends, that’s not Lt. Dangle.

Wild Justice follows the exciting world of Fish and Game wardens.

What goes on here?  Let me give you a quick synopsis:  Dangle look-alike busts two kids for fishing with a hooked lure in a no-hook zone.  Talk about edge-of-your-seat television.

But wait… they were also smoking pot!  That means they surely won’t amount to anything.

So let me get this straight.  These “wardens” get paid to sneak up on kids while they smoke pot and go fishing?  Are you KIDDING ME???  This is quite possibly the most non-violent, non-abrasive crime ever committed.  I don’t think, in the history of the universe, anyone has EVER been bothered by someone who was fishing and smoking pot, by themselves, in the woods.

Here is a quick list of things the “wardens” of Wild Justice could be doing instead of busting non-violent teenagers for relaxing:

1. Figure out why these dead fish are washing up on shore.

2. Figure out WTF is going on with these birds falling out of the sky.

3. Stop Sid Justice from smoking his herb.

4.  Dogs and cats, living together, MASS HYSTERIA!

Matter of fact, I think the world would be a better place if everyone took a little time to smoke pot and go fishing.

Beef Supreme is Editor-in-Chief of the Idiocratic Post.

Stevie Wonder…

This is the first-ever Idiocratic Post SPORTS EXTRA… where we take you so far inside the numbers, you can’t find your way out.

Who’s to blame for the Jets’ loss to Pittsburgh on Sunday?

Dare I say it was Stevie Johnson?

Forget about Sanchez, Rex or Brian Schottenheimer.  WHAT IF… Buffalo WR Stevie Johnson had caught that game-winning TD pass v. Pittsburgh on November 28?

Credit: Associated Press

If Johnson would have caught that 40-yard game winner in OT, the Steelers would’ve dropped to 8-4.  Add a loss to the Jets on December 19, and the Black and Yellow would have finished 11-5.  An 11-5 record and head-to-head loss v. the Jets would have earned them a #6 seed, slotting the Jets at #5 and the 12-4 Baltimore Ravens at #2 with a first-round bye.  Assuming Pittsburgh won a hypothetical Wild Card game and pulled out a win on the road at Baltimore, they would have visited the #5 seed Jets at the New Meadowlands in the AFC Championship Game.  And theoretically speaking, the Jets could have won that game.

So there.  Blame Stevie Johnson.

I’m Not Lion To You

Now THIS is something you can really sink your teeth into:

After python, alligator, elk and turtle, Boca Tacos y Tequila turned to a vendor in California to order up something “different”.  The next big thing on their menu: lion meat.


Sounds like your typical, run-of-the-mill, exotic meat PR play, right?  But not all went as planned.  The owners of Boca Tacos y Tequila were forced to select a different mane ingredient after receiving threats from the public.

Meat is Murder!

Do you consider lion to be “questionable meat?”  Should it be on the shady meats list along with squab, puffin and Slim Jims?

Lions eat people all the time.  Why can’t we eat them?  I mean, it’s not like they’re serving HUMAN meat.

Not to worry, though.  If you prefer your tacos to have questionably-sourced protein in them, you need not live in Tucson.

And by the way, this makes it official.  You can literally buy ANYTHING on the internet.

Be Careful What You “Like”

I had the unfortunate experience of walking through this scene on my way home last night:

A celebrity stylist was crushed to death yesterday by a garbage truck as she was crossing an Upper East Side street, police said… Sources said the impact severed the victim’s body.

How does this apply to the idiocracy?  Well, take a look at the headline on NYPost.com.  What’s wrong with this picture?

Moral of the story:  Be careful what you “like.”

Pajaro Libre!!!

Yea sure, Mexico is a normal place.

After members of the band La Excelencia in Guadalajara, Mexico refused to play more songs after closing time, irate members of the audience killed two members of the band and detonated a grenade inside the bar, Vida Divina, according to Mexican newspaper El Occidental.

According to El Occidental, four drunk men aggressively demanded the band play more after their set ended – and they did – for a while. After they stopped around 4 a.m. local time Monday morning, one of the men threw a grenade at the stage, and people ran out of the bar.   As they did, two of the band members were shot.

So.  Just another average night at Guadalajara’s hottest night spot, Vida Divina, right?  Sounds like everybody had a real blast at that show.  Oooohhhhhhhhh.

What can we make of this?  On one hand, the audience must have been loving it if they wanted La Excelencia to jam past 4am.  On the other hand, they threw a hand grenade at the stage.  What can you do?  This is showbiz, folks.  One minute they love you, next minute they’re peppering you with explosives.  Just ask former Sopranos star and current 1800 tequila pitchman Michael Imperioli.

And a note to all the musicians out there: when someone asks you to play Freebird in Mexico, you play fucking Freebird.

Beef Supreme is  Editor-in-Chief of the idiocratic Post.

Throw the Book at Her

Such an unfortunate circumstance, directly caused by social media:

(CNN) — A Colorado woman told authorities she was using Facebook in another room when her infant son drowned in a bathtub, according to an arrest affidavit.

Shannon Johnson, 34, was arrested January 11 on one count of child abuse by knowingly and recklessly causing a death, said Jennifer Finch, community relations director for the Weld County District Attorney’s Office.

For the record, this is not the first time a bathtub has played a role in maming an infant.

Ghostbusters references aside, folks need to disconnect from their social webs – if only for a moment – when they’re performing important tasks, such as driving a car, cooking or bathing an infant.

Oh, yea.  And WALKING.

-Beef Supreme is Editor-in-Chief of the Idiocratic Post.