Thanks to all of you who’ve submitted idiocratic happenings this week. Here’s a quick roundup of what’s gone on:
- An aspiring rapper has died after she received illegal butt implants. You think most would question their sanity before letting some transgender black-market surgeon slice your butt cheeks in his/her dumpy apartment. Question: how many transgender black market surgeons are there in Philly, that the police haven’t made an arrest yet?
- Detroit has reached its funding goal to bring a RoboCop statue to its downtown. Not for nothing, but shouldn’t Detroit be worrying about say, creating jobs, before building a statue of a fictional half-man, half-cyborg? Watson must be behind all this.
- Duane Reade will begin selling over-the-counter paternity tests. Think about that for a second. There are enough women in NYC who don’t know who the father of their child is, thus creating a market for OTC paternity tests. Just gonna run down to DR, grab some aspirin, band-aids and find out you are NOT the father! Wake me up when they start selling home abortion kits.
- Speaking of abortion, the god-fearing people of South Dakota have proposed a bill that would make it LEGAL to MURDER ABORTION PROVIDERS. I’m no bleeding-heart liberal, but this is just insanity. We wrote about it here the other day.
- An Alabama fan was arrested yesterday for purportedly poisoning trees on rival Auburn’s campus. Listen, these Southerners are fucking crazed maniacs. When you’ve got 62-year-old fans like Harvey Almorn Updyke Jr. sneaking around at night and pulling pranks like poisoning trees, you’ve got big societal problems. Shouldn’t this guy be on a porch somewhere drinking scotch and shooting geese? Maybe it’s just me but SCHOOL rivalries should involve STUDENTS. Like 18-21 year old undergrad students. I don’t care if Harvey took a basket weaving course at Alabama U’s Bumblefuck Annex, but he doesn’t count. From what I gather, Auburn is luck this guy stopped at the trees and didn’t burn the whole fucking place down. And Harvey, one last thing. If you do something illegal against a rival school, don’t call sports radio and brag about it.
Have a great weekend, friends. Read something!
Beef Supreme is Editor-in-Chief of the Idiocratic Post.