Idiocratic Roundup: Dead Trees, Butt Implants and RoboCop

Thanks to all of you who’ve submitted idiocratic happenings this week. Here’s a quick roundup of what’s gone on:

  • An aspiring rapper has died after she received illegal butt implants.  You think most would question their sanity before letting some transgender black-market surgeon slice your butt cheeks in his/her dumpy apartment.  Question: how many transgender black market surgeons are there in Philly, that the police haven’t made an arrest yet?
  • Detroit has reached its funding goal to bring a RoboCop statue to its downtown.  Not for nothing, but shouldn’t Detroit be worrying about say, creating jobs, before building a statue of a fictional half-man, half-cyborg?  Watson must be behind all this.
  • Duane Reade will begin selling over-the-counter paternity tests.   Think about that for a second.  There are enough women in NYC who don’t know who the father of their child is, thus creating a market for OTC paternity tests.  Just gonna run down to DR, grab some aspirin, band-aids and find out you are NOT the father! Wake me up when they start selling home abortion kits.
  • An Alabama fan was arrested yesterday for purportedly poisoning trees on rival Auburn’s campus.  Listen, these Southerners are fucking crazed maniacs.  When you’ve got 62-year-old fans like Harvey Almorn Updyke Jr. sneaking around at night and pulling pranks like poisoning trees, you’ve got big societal problems.  Shouldn’t this guy be on a porch somewhere drinking scotch and shooting geese?  Maybe it’s just me but SCHOOL rivalries should involve STUDENTS.  Like 18-21 year old undergrad students.  I don’t care if Harvey took a basket weaving course at Alabama U’s Bumblefuck Annex, but he doesn’t count.  From what I gather, Auburn is luck this guy stopped at the trees and didn’t burn the whole fucking place down.  And Harvey, one last thing.  If you do something illegal against a rival school, don’t call sports radio and brag about it.

Have a great weekend, friends.  Read something!

Beef Supreme is Editor-in-Chief of the Idiocratic Post.

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