Monthly Archives: April 2011

Up-Sell Hell

One increasingly visible side effect of blatant consumerism is that we’re bludgeoned with up-sells.  No matter where we go, what we’re after is never enough.  Fast foodie?  Super-size it.  Shopping for clothes?  Make sure you sign up for the points plus card.  Gym membership?  You can save 10% per month by agreeing to a contract that likely extends beyond your current apartment lease.

Now, however, the up-sell has shamelessly permeated new territory.  This blatant display of disregard for “consumer well being*” has blazed a trail beyond the register and into a place that it quite obviously does not belong:  the customer service call.

Specifically, the cable repair customer service call, with (NYC monopoly) Time Warner.

Who in their right mind thought it would be a good idea for these clowns to offer, or even consider offering an up-sell during a repair call?

Think about it.  In this context, I’m reaching out to Time Warner because my current service DOESN’T WORK.  Is that really the best time to SELL ME ADDITIONAL SERVICES?  Not only am I unreceptive to your shameless, disrespectful plug, but I’m extremely aggravated.

Beef Supreme is Editor-in-Chief of the Idiocratic Post.

*Whatever the fuck that means.

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Dude… is that a Robot?

As our “future” rapidly creeps into our “today,” we’re posed with head scratchers like this:

PhillieBot, the one-armed, three-wheeled robot, designed by Gozer worshipers engineers at the University of Pennsylvania, will throw out the ceremonial first pitch before Wednesday’s game between the Philadelphia Phillies and Milwaukee Brewers.

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The spectacle is part of Science Day festivities at Citizens Bank Park, said Evan Lerner, a spokesman for Penn’s engineering school.

First of all, I’m almost positive that this is not to commemorate “Science Day.”  No.  It’s to bug out the stoners on 4/20.  That much is obvious.

So what can this thing do?

After the press of a button, the robot’s mechanical arm reared back and then moved toward home plate; at the top of its delivery, it flicked its mechanical “wrist” and shot the ball forward.

The ball appeared to be traveling no more than 30 or 40 miles an hour, the Inquirer reported. But that was by design, since the Phillies didn’t want the pitch approaching Major League speeds.

So… you’re saying these Doc Brown wannabes “could” have amped this baby up, Tim Allen style, but chose not too.  I guess that’s believable, considering they built this baby in their spare time.  That’s right – time otherwise spent socializing, partying and getting laid.

In related news, the Tampa Bay Rays kicked off Fan Appreciation Day with one of those baking soda volcanoes from 7th grade.

Let Them Eat Nuggets

The toy has been a staple of the Happy Meal since the 1980’s.  Now, according to the NY Daily News, it’s in jeopardy:

A rotund city councilman [Leroy Comrie] who admits his eating habits are off the scales wants to make kids’ fast food meals less happy and more healthy.

The Queens councilman on Wednesday will press the Fast Food Toy Ban Bill, which limit any meal that comes with a toy to under 500 calories.

The argument can be made that fast food mega corporations play a major role in childhood obesity, luring kids toward unhealthy foods with flashy promos and exciting toy tie-ins.

And it’s no news flash that fast food is no good for you.  But can we really place the blame solely on McWendyKing’s?

Are these evil chains softening your fast-foodie children like veal farmers, encouraging them to feast on high-calorie quick serve through flashy toys for their own financial gain?

Or is it that parents are just getting a little lazy?

Guess what:  Regardless of what the corporations do, KIDS WILL ALWAYS LOVE TOYS AND NUGGETS!

It’s your job as a parent to control a child’s intake of both, until they’re adults.  It’s completely normal for your overprotected little child to want burgers and Nemo toys, because they’re KIDS.

…Why not try and find some nice things to do together, that doesn’t involve food?

And the Fluoride Runs its Course: Proof of America’s Ever-Closing Third Eye

We’d like to welcome Chuck Marlboro to the Idiocratic Post team.

Could invisible forces be conspiring to dumb down modern day society, or is it just MTV?

Throughout the years, the public has sought pleasure and enlightenment from the most talented and sophisticated entertainers and renown figures.  From classical figures like William Shakespeare, Mozart and Da Vinci, to modern masters like Mark Twain, Muhammad Ali and John Lennon – all of these people were [are] considered experts due to incomparable skill in their field.  Set in a time when the collective consciousness was most accessible, these figures raised the bar for evolution not only in their field of work, but in life as well, through moral display.

The new millennium has brought to light a vast array of unwanted overachievers, fostering international fame and disabling the standards in which we once used to build our popular culture. It seems generous and intelligent cultural icons have been cast aside and replaced with the boring, selfish, primitive, and suicide-inspiring celebrities we see on TV today.

Gone are the days of marching for peace.  Today, we sprint for stupidity.

The quest for cultural evolution has been temporarily derailed for a large portion of Americans who instead opt for a peephole view into the lives of society’s most unimportant.  In a time of suffering and devastation, mindless Americans pack the wallets of television producers., colleges spend tens of thousands of dollars to bring in “celeb-reality” speakers, and magazines and blogs smear them on the front page.

It's a Metaphor

Teen Mom.  Real Housewives of Gary, Indiana.  The Bachelor/ette.  16 and Pregnant.  It’s not a question of “if” these mind-numbing tendencies will impact our nation’s progress.  Rather, it’s a question of “how much so?”

Is this being purposefully endorsed by unseen foes with the hopes of suppressing our society’s creative thinking?

Or is life just getting too old?

Chuck Marlboro covers society and issues for the Idiocratic Post.


Mad About You

While altruistic, I think this exemplifies the state of our youth, and our overall ability to learn:

Concussions in football games are taken more seriously than ever before. And going forward, that will hold true in the next edition of the “Madden” football video game franchise when concussed players won’t be allowed to return to the field in the game they are injured.

“Concussions are such a big thing, it has to be a big thing in the video game,” [John] Madden told The New York Times in a telephone interview. “It starts with young kids — they start in video games.  I think the osmosis is if you get a concussion, that’s a serious thing and you shouldn’t play. Or leading with the head that you want to eliminate. We want that message to be strong.”

Well, it does make sense to reach kids via video games. They sure as hell aren’t going to pick up a book on concussions or listen to a PSA about why they shouldn’t lead with their head.

But isn’t this called brainwashing?

Makes you wonder what else they add into video games to make us think or do what they want.